The tragedy is that despite being rich, successful and entrepreneurial, the Marwari community is CURSED.

Why do I say this? 

Consider: 

- Even today, a girl child is a curse, a boy a celebration. 

I know that certain post birth ceremonies are NOT performed when a girl child is born.

A girl means CRORES of dowries in costs and the perpetual cost of servicing that marriage. 

This is an old story

- Consider the BIG FAT marwari weddings.

When was the last time you were invited to a Court Marriage of AFFLUENT marwaris?

My bet - NEVER

When was the last time you were invited to a massive, 7 days long, 18 ceremony  BIG FAT MARWARI wedding?

My bet - YESTERDAY

Why do Marwaris need to show OFF their money? Why do they need to spend wastefully when that money could do so much more? 

I think its a mental gap. We are still Bedouin gypsies in our outlook. We still live in the mental deserts of our minds.

We still need to SHOW people that we are rich despite living in a society where your balance sheet is now publicly available at the Registrar of Companies office.

Its worse when the mandate is to show that the GIRLS family who got married into the BOYS family is rich. 

Why? 

Its probably like showing off a Male Camel and what he is capable of attracting.

- If you don't know certain 'customs' of Marwari families, be happy you did not, until today. 

In a marriage, the girls family have to stand like servants and feed the boys family who sit down and eat. 

All year long, gifts, presents, things to eat get shipped to the girls house just to keep the 'in-laws' happy.

The center of gravity of all these problems are :

- Complete lack of education.

The old Marwari 'mother in law' is a village woman. She is uneducated and in all probability mentally abused by her mother in law. All this comes out as revenge on her daughter in law. 

- Insecurity

I met a girl my age who said 'Thank God Alok I had a Son - he will take care of me'. Her husband owns a house worth 20 crores and has 100+ crores in liquidity.

I asked her if she had Meningitis (super brain fever). She didn't get it. And nor did I. I have still not understood what her son will do for her that her daughter will not.

- The Father is the Financier

The root problem is also that Mr. Daddy in Law is also the chief financier of the house, office and household. Now, what can thumb sucking Munna do when he is at the mercy of the father? 

And the Father in Law is at the Mercy of the Mother In Law. Which means that the 3rd standard educated mother in law is now in charge of Starship Enterprise and can tell all the crew to go fuck themselves. 

- Lack of courage to say NO 

THIS IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM.

I can promise you that people reading this blog have had their blood boil at their stupid in law's, silly functions and idiotic demands of their families and communities, but have done nothing.

They don't have the guts to take a full glass of sour milk and throw it on the floor. They prefer to drink it instead. 

- The Nirvana? 

Its coming. 

Lots of family businesses are collapsing. So no more reliance on Family money.

Kids (boys and some girls) are studying abroad never to come back into the shit. 

They probably will rid us of this curse. 

So help us GOD.

 

*****

 

Views: 9002

Tags: Marwaris

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Comment by Rajiv Bagaria on December 20, 2012 at 10:25am

Why dwell on the negatives? By the way ever wondered what the term "Marwari" exactly means? People from Marwar? heh?

Comment by Radhakrishnan Menon on September 15, 2012 at 9:30pm

Alok I have copied and post this to my fb page.

Comment by Radhakrishnan Menon on September 15, 2012 at 9:25pm

This is not a Only Marwari issue.This is an issue which is there every where and no one can say in our community these things don't happen.Education.Only education can pull the society out of this cesspool.

Comment by Praveen Prabhu on September 14, 2012 at 8:24pm

This curse is not borne only by marwaris but across the length & breadth of India. Fortunately, the generation today is more in sync with expecting to be respected as equals & since many have been brought in a nuclear family, i am happy to find out many amongst my married friends that they do not divide their affections between my parents & your parents.

Comment by Neil Bahal on September 14, 2012 at 8:19pm

I really do not want to generalize....but a friend of mine when I was doing FMB (a course on family managed businesses) at Spjain mentioned to me that he was doing the FMB course just because his dowry value would go up.

No prizes for guessing that he was a pakka marwari (young guy who just entered the family business).


Again, not generalizing....but its true. Who thinks about this nonsense dowry crap and worst of all....who says it in public lol?


Neil.

Comment by Nidhi Kukreja on September 14, 2012 at 7:13pm

I wonder how guys can be so okay with bar-codes tugged to them, and contentedly accept the dowry as EASY money ! 

Comment by Rochit Jain on September 14, 2012 at 7:05pm

You can replace the above MARWARI with punjus, gujus or any other caste. It similar with other caste as well where there is section which is backward while one is moving with the times. This post simply generalizes your experience. But what the heck its a blog you can post whatever you want. 

Comment by R K Maheshwary on September 14, 2012 at 3:28pm

Dear Alok, The scence created by you is not all that pathetic, though it may the case in some farflung rural uneducated belt of the nation. Then perhaps this could be true for some other communities as well. A more realistic view is that with children getting educated the earlier cultural taboos are on wane. Yes, it may take some more time to be completely rid of the menace. 

Comment by Deepak Mittal on September 10, 2012 at 10:13pm

Great Post Alok. 

I'd like to share a  point of view / experience.

Statistically speaking based on my personal experience, I think it will take a minimum 2 and on an average 3 generations of continued good education in a family to get this sorted, by education I mean in the literal sense, neither merely a college degree and nor necessarily a college degree, a great deal of worldly exposure, outside the villages perhaps - the problem with a lot of marwari familes has been that of the second generation of fools post the pa had done the hard-work which perfectly qualified to be the mama's boy as you rightly pointed.

The father in many cases was so busy socially and in trade that he had little time, he controlled the wealth to distribute it evenly to his next generation of sons (fools were treated alike). According to the father, It was in the larger interest for all his family members, a question of survival for all and the joint family system prevailed, the united siblings often was in the interest of the family, trade and social standing irrespective of it being right or wrong.  

I'd differ in opinion where the Mom-in-law was the one always in control, I think that was seldom true when the father-in-law was  a self made man or an intelligent /educated man. You have a point especially in families where the mom-in-law came from a richer background or in cases where the father-in-law was the second generation of duds. 

In almost 100% of the families where the first generation is educated - of having attained some evolved thought process irrespective of schooling or the lack of it, perhaps by virtue of people or relatives around/trade community or someone who could influence their thinking in the formative years,  the girls have got good education, and almost equal status in the generations thereafter. 

Relatively speaking, The notion of feeling wealthy is a recent phenomenon despite the marwaris being relatively well off, most had their roots in the villages until the last 50 years where the culture was predominantly uniform across most communities. This has also brought about disruption in though process, not even the mom or father-in-laws have seen this situation where they are sitting on expensive real-estate assets without liquid money (most) Most marwaris who had come to cities for trade post 50s, owned real estate and that's their biggest asset today but as you rightly mentioned the traders are getting wiped off, so there is limited running income. The father is generally concerned of the children not diluting everything today but he has limited options. 

I hope I am not misunderstood here as I am not subscribing to a particular school of thought. I am just presenting a point of view having witnessed this myself.  I have witnessed families having emerged during the same time from the village and having taken completely different evolution - in summary of belonging to the cursed set or the blessed ones in comparison for the sake of this discussion, in that sense I am actually quite confused as to what would have been the major influences or factors that crafted the course so differently for each family.

Comment by Vijay Khubchandani on June 29, 2012 at 10:57pm

Alok, echo your thoughts completely.. Same is the case with the Sindhi community too.. My Grandpa is a Science Graduate from H.R. College and Grandma is 7th standard drop-out.. So you can imagine the Gap and its subsequent effect..

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