Have you received feedback recently that made you remember school?
Have you been treated to a firing?
Have you given feedback in a manner that resulted in zero improvements?
Receiving negative feedback is hard. Sharing negative feedback is harder. In this post, I will attempt to deconstruct feedbacks. I will steer clear of positive feedbacks since everybody loves giving and receiving them. Let us focus on negative feedbacks since it is crucial to development and harder to do.
Feedback Elements
Every feedback is like a tripod with three basic legs (credit Landmark education for teaching me concepts on linguistics that I apply here) – Language, Emotion and Intent. The language is the actual words that are spoken. Emotion is the tone in which we speak those words. Intent is the motive behind the communication. To deliver feedbacks effectively, it is important to think about all three elements.
Usually we share feedback because we wish to improve somebody. That is the core intent. It is very rare that the intent is negative. Most people who share feedback do quite well on picking the right words to describe what you need to improve on.
The place where we err is the emotion. The emotion we share the feedback with is the emotion that we leave the person with. If you yell at somebody, your agitation transfers to them. How well do you think an agitated mind will process and act on your information?
To have balance, it is important to adjust the three elements so you end up with positive results. The intent should always be correct and communicated upfront. Additionally if given a choice, I would pick keeping the emotion mild and the language strong than vice versa.
Feedback Delivery and Timing:
Feedback is ideally best held one on one and as soon as the trigger for feedback occurs. There are many channels to share performance feedback – Offline (In person, Email, Phone) and Online (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn). While in person/phone conversations are the best, email works well if you do not usually have a handle on your emotions. It keeps the communication to just the intent and language but it is more important to explain the intent explicitly. Online communication (even private messages) work well for brands but not necessarily for people. People go on social media to have fun not to get lectured so it is best to avoid.
How do you normally deliver feedback? What has worked well for you? Have you had trouble deconstructing feedback when somebody yelled at you? What are some additional tips that you can share?
Sudarsan Ravi (LinkedIn Profile)
Image Credits: Urdustar
asha chaudhry
sudarsan,
you are so articulate and mature in your writing. you’ve ‘deconstructed feedback’ in such a simple way that anyone can relate to it. i’m gonna bookmark this page and share the link on my personal page…
my god you are a bag full of surprises!
from lessons you learnt from a printing press to deconstructing feedback…!
pls keep writing sudarsan….
Vinay Chhoda
I believe yelling while giving feedback to someone defeats the entire purpose of giving feedback. The recipient of the feedback will focus more on the fact that he/she is being yelled at instead of focusing on the actual feedback which might actually be constructive and helpful.
According to me, delivering feedback in a neutral tone of voice with slight variations when you want to emphasize on a point delivers the maximum impact (Of course, there are times when I need to practice what I preach).
Interesting read and looking forward to more!
Dr Saurabh Bhatia
I have a different experience to share on someone receiving feedback.
I had a female colleague who used to maintain this super-corporate-facade about how feedbacks are the most positive thing happened to humanity since sliced bread. Her work practices used to lead to her getting frequent feedback. Her manager was my friend and he was usually a cool guy and this is what he told me once: “She irritates the hell out of me by being so positive about feedback. She smiles during feedback and keeps asking for more, making me look foolish as i find more things to say. I never plan to shout at her but her constant smile and so-called positive way of taking it usually drives me to yell by the end of session. and she goes out of my room thanking profusely”
Was the recipient here passive aggressive?
Or is it that when we ‘give’ feedback we expect the recipient to feel a bit guilty and down, and not upbeat about it?
Anamika Joshi
Ok now this one post comes right on time. I am very very cautious in giving away feedbacks. And as mentioned in your post, I prefer giving feedback via mail. The reason is when I give it in person, I tend to be either a bit harsh or way too easy going. Writing it in mail helps me in expressing myself in a measured manner.
Would like to share few tips regarding feedback which I learned on the way:
– Don’t articulate feedback in a manner that it fails to convey the seriousness of it motivating desired action from the feedback taker.
– More than negative feedbacks, prefer giving positive ones. This will help you keep your negative feedback stay honest as the person believes you with that and is aware that you do give positive ones too. This will also crib him/her less.
– Don’t prefix/suffix your feedbacks with a smiley when giving them in mail or add humor in tone when giving them in person. Say what you mean in a meaningful manner.
– Don’t let the feedback on a given project reflect in dealing with the person otherwise. Give away feedback and be back to normal.
– Be professional as language matters a lot in feedback. There could be a lot of difference in giving feedback to your employee/to your friend/to your junior – learn the art.
That’s all from my end for now 🙂
Thanks Sudarsan for this post.
Akhil Gupta
Very nicely written! I agree with you. As a matter of fact I wrote something like this some time back
https://akhil.me/2012/employees-deserve-feedback
Sudarsan Ravi
Thank you Asha. You continue to motivate me with your “feedback” on my posts. I love how you seek each one of us out and encourage to bring our best to this forum.
Sudarsan Ravi
Vinay – The feedback recipient has to cut through the noise of a yelling to get to the meaning and the intent. That is difficult to do since most people have some or the other complex on how inadequate they are which gets triggered.
There are times when I completely miss the bus on giving feedback too. I tend to apologize to the other person for leaving him in an worse state of mind. It helps me feel better but the results are not as great as giving feedback in a good manner in the first shot.
Sudarsan Ravi
Hi Saurabh – Its an interesting situation that you bring up here. We as humans are inherently uncomfortable with unexpected behavior. I attended a session on diversity where a senior person talked about how people in the workforce are uncomfortable around handicapped people. They do not realize if you are supposed to offer help or ignore.
It would be difficult to say if the recipient was being passive aggressive. She could definitely have done desensitization better. I often times seek feedback from top HR and talent acquisition specialists for my product idea. Most of them are so nice that they will tell you that the idea is super solid. I tell them clearly up front that giving me honest negative feedback is a bigger help than making me feel good. It works most of the time. I do not harp about it many times during the conversation though.
I doubt if we want to expect the person to feel guilty or upset. If we really prepare with the right intent we would prepare to take care of emotional situations at their end. Often times when that does not go to plan, it can get uncomfortable.
Sudarsan Ravi
Anamika – Interesting points! I am guilty of adding smileys to written feedback to reduce things sounding harsh. I will be mindful of that. I loved the point on separating the person from the feedback.
One thing I would add to your list is “Listen as much or more than you speak”. It helps to gather their thoughts and gives you an immediate feedback on if it is correct or not.
Sudarsan Ravi
Hi Akhil – Great minds think alike or fools seldom differ. 🙂
I will go through the post. Thanks for sharing!