GODLESSNESS & TERROR :
Its a day after the recent blasts in Mumbai , and like any other desensitized mumbaikar (‘resilent’ ?) , I was trying to figure out what to do with my evening. When I went to bed, I found myself not able to sleep. Tossing and turning, my mind always came back to the concept of terror. I tried my levelest, educated best (while still trying desperately to sleep) to answer some vague unformed hallucinatory questions that my mind was throwing at me. Somewhere between sleeping , not sleeping, dreams, and a little panic I was hit by some clarity. This is my clarity and has helped me deconstruct the concept of terror in my mind. I don’t know if it has helped.
We have grown up in times where even if our families have been religious, we tend not to be. Indians tend to have a strong sense of karma, and readily accept all things good and bad life lays at their feet, with a common understanding that ‘this is my fate and there was nothing I could do to change this’. I truly believe in this wisdom. It allows us to, in some way, remove the burden of our miseries and put it on god’s shoulders. Civil society can only remain civil if the dynamics of religion,politics,good & bad,greed & philanthropy, white & black, power & bondage … all converge in an uneasy but reasonably stable state of being. Rulers in history have always used fear as a tool to control society so that it doesn’t implode onto itself. This fear was needed and no one can strongly argue about the broad benefits. That fear could be social stigma, punishment, poverty etc.
Now enters TERROR. Terror and fear are completely unrelated and have drastically different effects on society. Fear allows me a choice … it allows me to take a conscious decision knowing for the most part , the repercussions of that action. Terror does not give me that option. Terror takes away my ability to rationalise. It removes years of cultivated sanity and routine. It puts into doubt my entire basis for being . It makes me doubt the concept of KARMA. I have seen a good friend lose a parent to terror, and cried seeing him cry. I didn’t know whether to pray to god for his soul, or to curse god for what happened. For me to even momentarily even consider that maybe god can do wrong, maybe he ain’t there, maybe i need to look out for myself , scares the living daylights out of me.
I go to sleep every night knowing that god will protect my family, NOT me. Take all this away from me and what happens ? i revert back to being an animal. The greater common good ceases to exist. I do all those things that make my mind more secure (against the fears that terror has created) … this will lead to corruption, a divisive society and sooner rather than later, anarchy.
God alone knows the motives of someone willing to kill innocents (i still believe in Him, and sincerely hope you do too!). But, the weaker amongst us, actually take advantage of these incidents. Your politicians will find new ways to scare you into giving them votes, the people in power will play on your fear to oppress more and gather further riches. We had one really smart American president who single handedly fucked up the fragile peace that existed in the middle east for oil.
My incoherent ramblings have made me lose my point of view….
The activities of a few (“terrorists”), can so quickly disrupt the entire basis of being and society (more so for those effected directly) is scary. Without getting into the rationale or motive of the people who terrorise , and speaking from the other side , if you continuously test the faith, goodwill, beliefs and stubbornness of the average man, the average man is going to break.
I have clarity in my mind which may not be reflected in my current essay. I am not a writer. I received an email today from my elder son’s school, advising me on how I may choose to deal with questions he may have on the current terrorist bombings. I have not cried involuntarily for a while… I did today.
All that is innocent and good and kind in my children, that I aspire to bring back to my life , I may have to corrupt.
Terror will spawn godlessness. It will destroy our basis of living in society, we will not trust the person next to us. How can I ask my child to trust his heart and instinct, when I cannot do the same…
God is still my saviour and the only way I may get through this moment of conflict is by placing myself in His hands. I shall not lose faith, I shall believe in the goodness of man, I shall teach my children faith and love… and I shall survive happily in the face of turmoil as per god’s will.
