My 9 Lunchboxes!

As featured in the Sunday Economic Times of 6.10.2013 (Page 3). Complete article appears after the image:

Yeah. I did see ‘Lunchbox’ a couple of weeks ago and walked out after the interval. Got bashed up on social media for not liking a movie that the world liked.

Grumpty Grump.

No one even cared to listen to why. They demanded that I LIKE it, because…everyone liked it!! I sniggered and remarked that this bashing was the most democratic event I had ever witnessed. The funniest post-facto development? After the movie got skipped as India’s choice for the Oscars, a lot more people raised their hands (saying they didn’t like it either). Hahahahah!! Too bad. Pussy cats without the guts to purr are worse than the mice that intimidate them.

But beyond the ‘unlike’, the idea of a lunchbox being used as ‘physical mail’ intrigued me. In my world of iMessages, SMS, email and FB inbox, this appealed to my senses. So I mashed my adoration for Andy Warhol, inspiration from the movie and my fondness of Marwari food into writing this photo essay!

The plot? Very simple. Imagine that I sent these 9 Andy Warhol dabbas to Indian politicians with Marwari food and a small chit to start a conversation. My expectation? That some of these guys write back!!!

9 “Andy Warhol” Lunchdabbas – by Alok Kejriwal

Dear Lalu Bhaiya,

Yeah. I know. It’s tough. Bloody tough. Jail food ain’t what it used to be. Sending lots of chaklis and barfis that will last a long time. Enjoy…

PS: Have you considered sending your illustrious, 30-year-old son to school? You know I heard him on TV and he was embarrassing. Let me know if I can help.

Dear Chidambaram Boss,

Enclosed are 3 boxes full of badaam ka sheera. Yeah, it’s really expensive to make; but the ROI is great – it enhances the GDP of the brain… You know what? I’ve written to you man. Many times. Can you at least read this and reply (‘Why Chidambaram should play Angry Birds’ in this paper itself)?

Dear Rahul,

Do you like daal baati? It’s a Marwari speciality. It’s loaded with lotsa ghee!! I think you need it… My request: if you don’t like my food, don’t please call it ‘complete nonsense’ in a public meeting. Also don’t tear up this note. Please!

Dear Soniaji,

First of all, sorry for ruining your pasta. I tried to cook it al dente, but it turned out otherwise. So, sending you some baajre ki khichdi. Also, I had a question for you: can you please tell the nation who is in charge of affairs? Errr – is it Youji, Betaji or Sardarji?

Dear ManmohanJEE,

Wassup? How was the US? Did Obama treat you well? Did you miss Indian food? Check out the classic saanger ki sabzi and daal ki puri I’m sending inside the dabba. Achha, in return, can you PLEASE take a public speaking class and practice what they teach, in front of your mirror? Send me the video, will ya?!

Dear Advaniji,

How’s it going? How’s retirement treating you? I’m sending some Marwari ghevar (sweet from Jaipur) for you. After all, it’s time for “Kuch meetha ho jaye?” Errr… if you don’t mind replying, can you tell me why are you the “Angry Old Man”? That honour was reserved for the “Angry Young Man!”

Dear Mamata Madam,

Can you try this aloo ka raita? It’s nice. Also some roasted papads to go with it. And mattar ka pulao on the side. If you get the time, can you revert on your thoughts on making the state of Bengal a garden? The largest garden in the world? It requires neither work nor capital; and will be a great place to hold rallies, speeches, demos and everything you only do nowadays.

Dear Shashi Tharoor,

I often see you in fine dining restaurants and take it that you dig good food. Well, here is a full-blown Marwari shaadi ki thaali. Tell me what you think. PS: When you tweet back, can you make sure not to change your mind? Maybe you can ask your ‘superiors’ what THEY think about the food YOU ate and then tweet back?!”

Dear Milind D,

Been missing seeing you lately man. I remember the good ol’ times when you were just another SOBO kid. Inside the dabba is some maroo food that is almost cooked. All you need to do is drive the dabba from the airport to your home on Peddar Road. The jerks, jabs and terrific radiation from all the cell towers in Mumbai will do the job. And when you do finish eating, just send the dabba back. In one piece if you can.

*******