Ever felt that deep sinking feeling, like there is no end to bad things happening. You are desperate for some relief as much as a sinking person would be for oxygen. When you think that this is the worst that can happen and you cannot take in more, yet more bad stuff happens. When you are saying why me all the time. When you start to question purpose of life or sometimes just get numb not sure what to feel anymore. Clearly you are going through a difficult time. I too was going through something similar few months back, so want to share few realizations which eventually did make me feel better. I hope this helps someone feel better too.
1) Understand the purpose of life
I firstly sat down trying to understand the purpose of life. The sorrow/problems which was eating me from inside could only be solved by understanding the answer to this question. Like what I wanted to do with my life? Below is what I concluded as the larger picture.
a) bring smile on people’s faces – love, help, support as many as I can
b) create value in the society by the work I do
c) inspire others to do 1, 2 more
Now I know when you yourself are feeling low, you would rather concentrate on yourself and getting your situation better. Why should you bother about others when you cannot even handle your own? right?
Honestly focussing at your own problems is really not getting you anywhere, so why not try and shift your focus for a while and try put smile on someone else’s face? The strange rule of the world is that by making other people happy, you start getting back your own sense of worth and confidence which strengthens you with energy to fight your own battles.
2) Your weakest moments are your biggest strength
When you feel at your weakest moments that is when the world starts looking clear, you get perspective which few people would have. You get free from fears, worst which could happen has already happened. It bring out the best creative side in you, sometimes things which you did not even know existed. For me it was poetry.
Also, now when I feel scared about new things all I have to do is to tell myself that I have been through worse and this new thing can only make things better and not worse. Works like a charm !! you feel so empowered..
3) Do not judge
Everyone has those aunties, relatives or colleges who think you are good for nothing or that you wasting your time or underestimate what you are capable to do. You feel bad right? Well atleast you can do one thing, not to do the same to anyone else..If you can ever do something for someone then support them and watch their back, they will thank you for it.
4) Let go
You cannot always control how people are going to behave with you. People are going to walk out of your life, breach your trust & talk about you behind your back. All this happens and you have to learn to forgive. Give love to all the souls around you. There is nothing as bad people, well atleast I believe everyone is inherently good its the situations which are bad. Misunderstanding will happen, all your efforts to get the situation normal will go down the drain. You will eventually have to let go…
5) Ask for help
There is no shame in asking for help, if nothing else you can bug any rodinhooder. I am sure they all have a common mindset of helping and supporting. I have bugged Asha a lot I think. She told me that had she been married at 18, she could have been my mom 😛 Now tell me where in the world would you get so much unconditional love?? :))) Thats what Rodinhood community means. Giving love and helping. That is what keeps me bringing back to it.
6) Wake up inspired each day
Wake up excited like a child thinking you are going to do and learn new things and work, thats all you are going to focus your energy into. Do not limit yourself to your field. Try and understand why something is the way it is. Read and read a lot. I have not been able to understand work life balance but do get that its important to be able to understand various fields to help grow your personality which can only happen if you read. Thats like the foundation.
7) Give yourself time to heal
Do not bottle your emotions, falling down is ok. Go have a good cry.. no big deal, just make sure you stand back up.
8) Make NOT To do List
Something which I have recently been following is no to do list. Write things which you should not be doing during the day. For me it just says one thing – “not be emotional”. Well thats is because its my weakness. So now whenever I start to feel hurt or sad, I make an instant switch of thought process and start thinking something happy. Think your “no to do list” as Dementor ( I am Harry Potter fan 😛 ) which sucks your energy and you need happy thoughts to conjure your patronus so that you can keep working on your To-Do’s list.
9) Work Hard
“I may not be smart as you, but my hard work will beat your intellect”. You might take your own time to learn a skill, but persistence always shines out. 10,000 hour rule works.
10) Meditate
There is a world inside you, you know that? go explore it :)) It quietens your mind, sharpens your intuition to choose the right path for yourself.
In Steve Jobs famous words, the dots always connect backward. What does not kill you just makes you stronger. DO NOT GIVE UP and HOLD ON, everything will get fine! Lots of love to everyone and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wrote a poem few months back, hope it helps someone to hold on and keep moving forward :)))
TALE OF SURVIVAL
I flounder on the road,
my feet bleeding and soul crying.
Turning back I see the golden road left behind,
fleeting away in some other lifetime.
With vanquishing hope and despairing sighs,
I trudge along the path of burning splinters.
Searing pain reverberating in my head like a scream,
simmering to break out yet unable to find its way.
I doubt I can bear this long,
my strength failing as I move along.
Fire in my heart refuses to extinguish,
veiling me from flagrance around.
As numbness prevails I keep lulling,
about the happy days inside my head .
Till each fibre in my body joins in the chorus
singing the ballad to keep moving ahead.
I still keep walking, tears flow down like raindrops
extinguishing the burning splinters below,
Cooling the path and fecundating the ground ,
nips of grass shooting from below.
Barefoot I tread not floundering this time ,
feeling the soft green grass blades glazed with due drops,
moistening the music of my soul sucking the numbness away,
soothing the burns of the journey long gone.
Turning back I see the burning road left behind,
fleeting away in some other lifetime,
only to realize that the struggle was worth the find,
the peace of the greens is better than the shimmer of the golden tiles.
asha chaudhry
wow nivedita. such a mature post from someone so young. we have another sushrut in the making here 🙂
keep writing!!! i’ve read this one twice already and have bookmarked 🙂 thank you!!
Aman Jha
Wonderful post Nivedita….
Most of the point you mentioned is known to everyone yet people often fail to put it into practice.
But there are two points in your post that caught my curiosity and attention as well.
‘2) Your weakest moments are your biggest strength’
This point alone holds wisdom worth million dollar. Your weakest moment becomes your truth moment, it tells you lot of things about your personality and about the people whom you bank upon. You realize how you react to something that you had never even imagined you will face, what is your breaking point and who really you are.
‘8) Make NOT To do List’
For the first time in my life I have seen someone suggesting ‘Make a NOT To do List’ and so important it is, I just never thought about it. Following ‘Not To do List’ will easily boost out productivity and pace of learning and doing the things.
I shall call this as TEN Commandments and we should put it into practice and I hope you keep writing such wonderful and enlightening posts for us to learn and grow.
I have few of my posts which you may find relevant to your post. Just check out the links below.
Why Tom never killed Jerry?
Disown – Family or Startup
Entrepreneur- The Creator
Regards,
Aman A Jha
9892621090
Nivedita Arora
Hey Aman!
Thanks for appreciating 🙂 The concept of Not to do List is not my own. Checkout this link. I was suggested this by Mukund Mohan, Director Microsoft Ventures, found it as really great advice so shared with everyone here.
I have read “Why Tom never killed Jerry”, will read the rest as well 🙂
Nivedita Arora
Lots of love 🙂 Thanks for all the encouraging words.
Jitendra Gursingh
What a post Nivedita! I am glad I read it an appropriate time in life 🙂 this one has really got me pumped up & this is one reason why I am so grateful to Alok, Asha & the Rodinhood community. Just a couple of days back I was going through the ‘Best of 2013″ compilation by Asha, which had some great posts on Digital Marketing & Starting Up. And today I read your post about life. Such comprehensive ‘gyaan’ can be availed of at just one pace & that is Rodinhoods. Being a member of this community is like opening your Karma account.
With this post, you have definitely accomplished Point 1 mentioned above!
Thank you
Nivedita Arora
Woow !! Thanks from bottom of my heart for appreciating. This comment made writing this post worth it 🙂 Thanks again :’)