Let me first play out five real life scenarios that have happened to me.
1. The owner of a Company that made sliding windows came to visit me at home.
When he took off his shoes, the room began STINKING.
I told him, “Your socks are stinking. Please remove them, and then enter my room.”
Was that being Rude or Honest?
2. I was eating dinner at Gallops (a restaurant at the Race Course in Mumbai).
There was this government guy seated in front of me, with 3 ‘chamchas’ (yes men)
I could make out from the people accompanying him and the many ‘files’ with them that this man was an important officer.
Suddenly the mobile phone of this man rang, and he answered the call. He then began talking very loudly on his phone – as if he wanted to break down the windows or something!
I got up, snapped my fingers at him and told him, “Shut Up. Or get out of the restaurant.”
Was that being Rude or Honest?
3. I had gone for a business meeting in Mumbai with my co-founder Mahesh.
The person I had come to meet entered the room with his mobile phone’s hands free wire connected to his one ear.
As we started greeting each other and talking, this person did not remove his hands free wire from his ear.
I told him, “I can’t talk to someone whose has a hands free wire in his ear it. Either remove it or let us meet some time later.”
Was that being Rude or Honest?
4. A very well known creative director of an advertising firm invited me and my team (Gaurav Sharma of c2w) to meet her in her office, in Parel.
When we sat down in the conference room (the office was on the ground floor), a large black labrador walked into the room!
The dog seemed to be very comfortably moving between the chairs under the conference room table. I guess this was a routine for him…
I told the lady, “Errr, is this dog going to be joining us for the meeting?”
She said, “Yes, if you don’t mind…?”
I said, “I DO MIND. I don’t think this dog will be contributing to our discussion..”
Was that being Rude or Honest?
5. After a lot of hustling, sometime back in 2001, I got a meeting fixed with a client in Gurgoan.
When my sales colleague and I reached the client’s office, after waiting for a good 40 minutes, the guy came out and said, “There are no conference rooms available. Let’s meet here in the reception.”
I agreed.
He excused himself and came back a bit later. By then the reception area was full.
He said, “Ok, let’s meet here, in the corridor…”
I agreed. I balanced my laptop in my one hand and began presenting to him.
We were blocking people as they passed by.
He said, “Sorry, this can’t work. Let’s meet some other time.”
I said, “Hey, let’s go to the bathroom?? I can present to you there….”
Was that being Rude or Honest?
*
How do you react to similar situations? What path do you choose? Do you prefer manners over discomfort? Do you mind getting kicked out but still being honest to your job and mission?
This is what happened to me in the 5 cases:
1. The man with the smelly socks immediately took off his socks, without feeling bad. I also think he also learned a lesson to wash his socks more often.
2. The govt. officer in the restaurant threw a BIG FIT. He called the manager and requested to throw me out! I showed them my membership card and made the fuss bigger.
The chamchas of the officer begged me to keep cool and stopped their boss from talking on the phone.
3. The guy with the handsfree wire immediately removed it and spoke politely with me and Mahesh. Nothing came out of that meeting.
4. The creative director felt insulted that I had asked her doggy board member to step out. We did the meeting, but nothing fructified.
5. The Gurgaon client was embarrassed when I said, “Let’s meet in the bathroom.” He took us to his cubicle and we met there. We got a 5 lacs order later…
*
Do share your strange and stranger stories and comment on my reactions and what you would have done.
****
Shown here holding an open umbrella in a restaurant (Campion School reunion dinner 2010 in which I was smashed). I think this was being Rude….(but no one objected)
******
Amit
My small understanding guides me to have a mid-way i.e. being honest and any yet not being rude ( perceived by others).
Especially business/ commercial meets are held to create / change other person’s perception – POSITIVE – towards us / our products/ services.
If we are perceived to be RUDE, than it doesn’t add value to the meeting / objective.
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Anamika Joshi
May be I won’t be able to say certain things that cause discomfort to me.. in an upfront manner. But for many, honesty works and I have experienced it in many meetings which I had in last 3 years…In some of them I regret being not honest and in few I feel good to have spoken my mind.
Here is one such instance: A prospective client of mine (one of the largest diary manufacturer of India) who was above 50 in age, kept on asking me and my partner about diaries that were placed on his table – conceptualised by him personally –
“Can you make something like this? This is a masterpiece and we doubt anyone else can come out with such designs..”. He was also unhappy with the fact that we already work for one of his competitors and thus kept on insulting the competitor by saying, “He copies our work. He does nothing original. He may have given you some of my diaries as samples to brief you on what he wants.. He is that much an unethical person….” bla bla bla
I listened for a while but then I shot up a sentence – Sir I think we can make more concept based and unique designs for you compared to what is here in front of me.. and we respect the xyz client. He may be your competitor but he believes in real work. I donno what made you think about him like that.’
The meeting got adjourned after few more minutes and I walked out feeling relieved. Nothing came out of that late evening 2 hour long meet.
Abey John
#1 to 3, and #5 – Honest. The rudeness is a spinoff benefit. 🙂
#4 – Dumb. And high handed like a prat. 🙂
It is not the fault of the dog that you don’t understand dog language and he may well have contributed to the discussion if you had taken the time out to listen. No this is not an ironical comment. But listening to dogs, as with all animals, takes time…for humans.
If humans can’t conduct their affairs in the presence of other animals we still have some growing up to do. I’ve been guilty of that too… going into isolation when talking to a client in the off chance one of my dogs will start barking (we have 8). Till I finally decided: Fuck that. When the dogs bark I’ll handle it then.
And it wasn’t insult. It was hurt. Labs are particularly sensitive. I think you need to go and apologize to the Lab. The human will be okay. 🙂
Vivek Lath
Alok, you should be glad, it was some govt officer and not Saif Ali Khan or Salman Khan at Gallops. They would have trashed you.
Bhavesh Gupta
Was that being Rude or Honest?
I don’t know. You tell us. I say so because what differentiates one from other is not only the words but to greater degree the ‘Body Language’, ‘Tone’ and ‘The way you said it’. But you could differentiate it very easily by looking at where were you coming from when you said it. Were you coming from ‘Anger’, ‘Irritation’ or any other such emotion, or were you coming from ‘Being Straight (about what works & what don’t)’. Coming from latter generally gives us access to set things right and create an instant high value (frame) in that group/meeting. There is a great book on using this technique in marketing called ‘Pitch Anything’ by Oren Klaff.Â
If I were in your shoes, I would have:
1. Not said anything to the person from Sliding Window company. Not because I’m pushover, but because since he is in here for few minutes (I assumed) only and I don’t want to embarrass him.
2. Here it looks like that you were angry when you said that to Govt. officer. And I have noticed that generally anger brings out more anger. I would have instead first requested him to keep it low. If he doesn’t, I’m not sure what would I have had done. May be get angry (Yes, I’m human :-)). May be leave him alone, finish my food and go (Not wanting to create a fuss). Or ask the waiter to change my tables.
3. I don’t know how you said it (Body Language, Tone, Way), but I think it is fine to tell him to take away any distraction and focus on the meeting as it is something important. It does set things right and create high value instantly.
4. Absolutely would have asked her to get the dog (distraction) out. But again way of saying matters.
5. I don’t see why you feel anything about being rude here. You persevered, and it paid off. 100% would have done the same thing.
Now that’s me and my 2 paisa. To each, his own.
Sanjaya Choudhary
Nice situations and lovely responses. Honest expressions are like arrows. Better understand where to use it.Â
In the past i have lost jobs / clients. After all truth is termed as bitter too , at the receiving end.Â
Suchorita Datta
Good mix of examples….but in almost all the scenarios the “honesty” was reactive. It was more to do with voicing your opinion based on the level of discomfort and ability to ignore at that moment. So if the reaction is capable of offending another, then that draws the thin line between voicing one’s opinion and being rude. Also coupled with the message is the tone & choice of words in which it is delivered. For instance, in the 5th scenario, your statement was very well put and apt for the situation plus you”ll got the order as well!
Nikunj Bubna
In the latest Palghar incidence reported on the front page of Times today, would it be wrong to say that the young girls were being honest, while somebody was being seriously rude!!
Jenifer
Hi
You know what I am going to say :)) .. we have interacted on this earlier.. so will keep it brief ..
Its not what you say but how you say it and also that your reaction should be proportionate.
Having said that I don’t mean you need to sugarcoat it but the bounds of decorum should not be crossed :))
what happens is that when you over-react or the tone is confrontational the main issue gets neglected.
Otherwise …… stay real …. stay true…
Tarun mehra
I think communication is all about tone, content and intent.
Find no flaws with your intent. Not in a position to judge your tone. In some cases the content could have been moderated, I think. ( the bathroom one was actually funny )
Having stated the above, in the western world all this would have been classified as honest.
Alok Rodinhood Kejriwal
:-))))))))))))))))))))))))))
oooooooooooooops……
Badri Narayanan
Alok,
“Rude” is others’ perception and “honest” is your defence/opinion/feeling (take what you want to). They can co-exist because they are at different points of reference. perhaps the moot question could have been “Rude or Being Straight”
Aji (Digital Marketing)
We all are born with our own style, every action has its own reaction. Be in your own style, the reactions will guide you to your next style. Our operating system conscience will guide you in the right direction, just listen to it, don’t override it too often.
Yasvhir Chawla
Thanks alot for the ‘Pitch Anything’ 🙂
Pawan Deokule
Who am I to tell you what is honest or rude when I am most often; honest and sarcastic at the same time therefore generally percieved as rude!
However, it just occurred to me that the clicking of the finger at a loud officer was a rude gesture, most of it coming from the possession of the frequent gallop card!
The officer has reached a high post, irrespective of how, but he deserves a little respect and if you raise your tone or your finger, it would put you in the same boat as a disrespectful upnosed officer!
Sometimes, to be honest is also to be rude! Women teach us this in a practical manner, we feel the guilt and the fever of having done something wrong!! Common reaction -” What did I do, I only told you the truth?”
Not that I decided to part with honesty but as Warren Buffet puts it, ‘Truth is an expensive virtue, do not expect it from cheap people.’ Its important to learn how to sandwich the ill effects of what we say!
Krushnaal Pai
Campion School reunion dinner 2010 in which I was smashed .. can you share this storyÂ
Gomti Mehta
I am known to be very honest and outspoken. Most people like it and those who dont are ones who are scared of honesty.
I loved this post. I will prefer rude honesty anytime over dishonestly, silence and lies.
1. Rudely honest – you could say, Could you please remove your socks and then enter? Its not a big difference but when said same thing gently makes a bigger impact. You gain respect because you were respectfully honest.
2. You were outright rude. He was rude too, but may be he is a loud talker. I shared apartment with friends who were just loud because thats how they talk. I did have to ask them to not talk so loud after 10 pm, so I could sleep.
3. Honest
4. Honest
5. Honesty full of humor, works best!
Again, I loved the post!