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When I am depressed I am trying to stop being depressed and be awesome instead!

This may turn out to be quite depressing post for some people because at this very moment I am mix of anger, frustration, hope and delusion. There is no other place on earth that could help me feel better at such a phase but I did any day prefer ranting here rather than explaining it to anyone else. So on this most inauspicious of days, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet to suggest the character of this dramatic persona.

This is that part of my life where quitting everything seems a rather easy option than to pursue my dream to build a business (No! No! I am not quitting, not now, not yet!) I possibly can’t put forth how I am probably feeling right now. It’s either a mix of all negative emotions or a hangover of it but it’s still there troubling me like anything. 

Part 1: When things move too quickly and early, beware something is definitely wrong!

My idea is to create a simple market place website for trading second hand cell phones, Books and Cds/DVDs. This is where I started and then this made me feel like I was doing the right thing. I had an investor willing to provide the seed funding, all ground was done in trying to gauge the market size, potential, etc. in meantime the investor had some spat with his partners and later pulled money from all his porfolio companies and now going abroad. Also I was left as the lone founder as my partner left for doing his MBA. Nothing that I wasn’t aware off but being alone is kinda not advisable. All this happened in a span of three months and trust me not even an MVP was ready as early development was going to be outsourced.

Part 2: Finding a co-founder like finding a wife, if love at first doesn’t happen walking past again won’t help.

After the above episode I have been trying to find a co-founder. Meanwhile I have been waking up on every Monday morning to this:

“Balance in A/c XXXXXXXXXX0990 as of 11-AUG-13 EOD is INR 0.00 . Check A/c for current balance . Credits in A/c are subject to clearing”

Yeah, kinda sucks right! Sooner than later I realised that finding a tech guy is like everyone’s problem hence decided to learn coding. Did the basic HTML from codeacedemy and now learning Python the hard way. Why python because a website similar to what I want to make was coded in Python and Joomla. Spending 4 hrs a day learning to code but still seems like it’s will take a long time to even make a rough MVP.

Part 3: Ideas are bulletproof but they forgot a safety lock.

In February being all super active online in various startup communities I met a guy who had a startup from Delhi (Not taking names) I told him about my Idea and the website (www.projectbazinga.in) he liked it, we talked and I shared my plan mostly because I am that way. That guy suggests me a company which does a similar thing like me but for only CDs/DVDs of games & only in Delhi and is his friend’s startup.

Fast forward to 30th July, I read an article on Yourstory.in about the same CD/DVD startup being renamed and getting into market place for used products. (I discovered that it’s the same company while reading it’s about us and disclaimer stuff. Sometimes I do read that stuff too). Initially I was like oh! another startup like me, then I was like they are pretty similar to my plans and finally I was like yes! they even have the same nuts and bolts like I do. I was at a point happy that my idea got replicated somewhere and also this startup is a funded one so double yeah! for idea validation. But somewhere you feel sad that they copied you. I dug up their achieves and found that they decided to change the company to market place in April, 2013 i.e. after having told the Delhi guy about my idea. I know I know ideas are cent a dozen but when I say nuts and bolts they kinda took some execution too.

Part 4: Currently what I am up to!

It’s evident I need money! I remember reading a tweet from Mr. Kanchan Kumar that sometimes to protect our dream and solve cash crisis you will have to take up other work or may be a part time job. I didn’t take a job but what I am doing is selling second hand phones from a vendors (his inventory) online via eBay. These vendors are the ones I came across during the initial days of my research for the idea. Also I am doing few events under the banner (Mumbai Startups Meetups) because in college I used to be the go-to guy for event management and also the head of annual fest. These events make me meet some interesting people around Mumbai and it helps to keep the tempo alive. These are free events few paid one’s are lined up too.

I am also helping two startups with their marketing and social media efforts. The fourth part has just started in the past month. So it will take some time to pick-up.

So well this is me, falling apart and trying to pick-up. In all these endeavors I have been successful in making precisely 80 contacts who can be useful in my entrepreneurial life or otherwise. Hoping that the otherwise won’t happen. People who meet me talk to me would never be able to make out that I am going through this. It’s kinda very depressing at times and at times makes me feel good that I was able to help some startup or the other in a meaningful way. What really worries me is that it’s been an year since I have left my job and still I am nowhere close to being where I had thought I would be. It is at this stage that I feel like letting it all go but on the other hand my conscience won’t let me quite before falling down on the ground. Sometimes I don’t give up even after losing.

If you guys have any suggestion please do let me know. I am pretty sure a lot of you might have faced similar situations early. Looking for pearls of wisdom, so that I can trade them for cash! 🙂 Happy Independence Day. I am not usually this sad so I will end with a joke: When in life you are losing self-control, take a moment and think about Sunny Leone’s camera Man! Hahaha!!

P.S: I had written this post a week back hoping that I won’t have to ever submit it but here I am, as naked as I can be!

-Ankit Sawant (aka @SatanAtWink)

(Working hard to be called) Founder at Project Bazinga!

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24 Comments

  1. hey,

    hang in there. you’re the BIG IDEA dude, remember?!

  2. Ankit kehte hai dukh batne se dukh kam hota hai so you are doing the right thing dude
    you know while reading this at some points I felt as if it was me writing this post ,going through similar situation buddy dont know what will be the next step

  3. Haha!! Yeah I do remember that 😛 Well how can I even forget that 🙂

  4. Once, even a string of the next step is visible; things seems to get some shape from the smoke!!

  5. When I am depressed, I log in to The Rodinhoods, and I start feeling awesome instead..!!

    Even for me, “this is that part of my life where quitting everything seems a rather easy option than to pursue my dream to build a business” and yeah, I am not quitting, not now, not yet!!

    It’s posts like this which motivates me to hang on.. Posts like this makes me realize that its not just me; anger, frustration, hope and delusion is a part of every entrepreneurial journey.. Successful entrepreneurs are the ones who sailed through it.. I can relate to EVERY BIT of your post.. Including the ‘Part 3’ and ‘selling on ebay’ for that extra money..

    Thank you for this wonderful post.. Btw, I would be interested in attending the startup events you are organizing..

    Came across this website the other day.. You might want to take a look if you already haven’t..

    Persist.. Persevere.. and BELIEVE in your idea.. At the end of a storm ther’s a golden sky.. 😀

  6. Hey Niraj,

    Thanks for the link and the whole point of writing this was making me feel better 🙂 

    Also this is one of the definitive event that I am organizing with few others: Ideastorm

  7. Ankit, 

    The words that come in my mind are 

    “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows,

    it’s a very mean and nasty place,

    and I don’t care how tough you are,

    it will beat you to your knees and

    keep you there permanently if you let it,

    you me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life,

    but it ain’t about how hard you it,

    its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward,

    how much you can take and keep moving forward,

    thats how winning is done.”

    – Rocky Balboa

    I keep hearing to those words when ever I feel I’m behind target, I was on the edge of starting up and things got messed up for me too. 

    but I ain’t giving up. We both sailing on the same boats bro. All the best, let’s start up.

    keep the hits coming in, never give up. 

  8. I always listen to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FozhZHuAcCs when depressed. Invictus!

    And thanks for the the Punching words. We won’t give up without a fight. We won’t touch down unless there is light.

  9. Ankit – since you referred a tweet of mine, here’s another one for you. 

    https://twitter.com/kanchankumar/statuses/367112249753612288

    cheer up buddy!

  10. Ankit, When i am reading your story, i felt at some part ours have some similarities, do check this out when you din time, world not gonna end Ankit, i am freelancing to get back my cask flow 😉 noting wrong. Have a good way ahead ankit, here is my writeup link. https://www.therodinhoods.com/forum/topics/i-am-not-astrologer-i-cant-predict-things-but-surely-sooner-or?xg_source=activity

  11. Ankit,

    Keeping it Short and to the point again, Just this while!!!

    DON’T make Decisions when you’re Angry
    DON’t make Promises when you’re Happy

    Taking a step backward in order to leap forward is not Foolhardiness.

    No one ever loses anything, they just simply give up on what they were after.

    Dream is not what you see in your sleep…
    Dream is something, which does not allow you to sleep

    A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline

    It is when we face the toughest of times, that we begin to search for strength, and in our search, find that it had never left us.

    Don’t let your History interfere with your Destiny.

    Entire Water Of The Sea Can’t Sink a Ship, Unless It Gets Inside the Ship. Similarly Negativity of the World Can’t Put You Down, Unless you Allow It to Get Inside You.

    Would be interacting with you on the “IDEAtion” soon 🙂 You would be surprised you actually started much More than what you think you could not !!!

    Cheer up!! It is just another Hit of the Spade and the Diamonds in the Mine would be yours, Keep Digging yet Hang in there!!

  12. This is that part of my life where quitting everything seems a rather easy option than to pursue my dream to build a business (No! No! I am not quitting, not now, not yet!)   ……………every entrepreneur is going through or have gone through this situation . i am relating this story to mine. but we got to move and face all the troubles believe in ourselves 

  13. So sad so many people contributed to your name contest …tie yur shoes..these early lessons ,see them as learning instead punishment, it makes every one realistic about thing,

    It’s amazing how things change So fast to turn in to dust…phonix

  14. ankit ji.. you are awesome… you helped me in my startup and encouraged me every time.. took time to find solutions for my mindless questions and never said, I`m busy… 

    I can`t see my hero (YOU) depressed.. all will be fine and let me know if any help I can do from my side.. I`m glad to help you out 🙂

  15. Thank you sir 😛 It was more of that I wanted to write it out rather than still being hung up over it 😛 After all it feels good to just share it than to keep it to my self 😛

  16. Beg, Borrow or Steal: as long as we don’t get to the last one we are doing just fine! 😛 Someday all this will payoff when we connect the dots 🙂

  17. Sir ji you have already made my day with that list of domain names 😛 Thank you for that, aapka gift aata hi hoga 😛

  18. Sometimes it just feels good to blurt it all out and then not worry about it rather than keeping it inside and let you kill it softly 🙂

  19. Naahh I am not giving it all up 😛 It’s just some mistakes that I made initially for which I am paying right now 🙂 And money is everyone’s problem after all rest all have been steadily taken care off! The post was written quite earlier than have been actually posted; by the time it was posted I had already started to work on solutions 🙂

    Thank you anyways 🙂

  20. Hi Ankit. Been through much worse problems. Learned coding. Problem solved.

    Although I still did not figure out how to raise cash via VCs. That’s a skill still need to acquire as I am not a submissive guy (which investors prefer) and I call a spade a spade – which doesn’t work well with investors looking for fake profit analysis.

    This forum “therodinhoods” is an eyeopener. Seems like all the entrepreneurs more or less go through the same set of problems.

  21. Ankit – ever heard of a dude called Jesus Christ?

  22. Sir, himself, this is where I stop looking backwards and only look ahead. I may fall but I won’t refuse to get up 😛 When you, yourself have read it and commented, I somehow now feel that it all was nothing. 

    Thank you sir ji 😛 This entrepreneur will never disappoint 🙂

  23. After reading your post I am going to do 4 things.

    1. If you want you can share your leancanvas for your product, as an entrepreneur I can be of some help.
    2. A friend of mine stared http://www.sharingdard.com, you can join if it would be of some soothing.
    3. I am going to recommend a poem which is on zen pencil, read this poem out loud. (I am sure you and others are going to love zen pencil’s other creations in archive section, creator of it is also a guy who quit his job just to start zen pencil art and posters)
    4. Call you for any support…. Now calling, because your story is my story.
  24. ankit…. you’ve come a long way from this post.

    time you shared a bit of your recent journey with all of us, what say?!

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